Defensiveness is a key predictor of divorce according to those who closely study couples interaction. So here are some ways to curb your defensiveness before it begins to become a big issue. First is when you start to feel defensive don’t raise your voice. When you raise your voice your partner starts to feel fearful and defensive. Also when you feel defensive remember to stay on topic about what your arguing about. When you bring up other things the argument gets bigger and longer. After lowering your voice, talking things over, and staying on topic it’s a good time to take responsibility for your part in the argument.
- When you raise your voice it makes the other person feel more fearful and puts you in a dominant position.
- The paradox of intimate adult relationships is that we tend to choose partners who will evoke some of those very same frustrations and pains.
- When people become defensive they have a tendency to lose sight of the problem at hand and bring up all kinds of other problems in an attempt to put the other person down and win the argument.
“The paradox of intimate adult relationships is that we tend to choose partners who will evoke some of those very same frustrations and pains.”