Reading between the lines isn’t just something one does in conversations, or with books. Sometimes its a necessary skill when it comes to observing couples. Not always, but sometimes the couple member that appears to be behaving badly isn’t the real source of the problem.
That is, when a wife, or husband, appears to be constantly acting defensive, rude, or belligerent, it’s entirely possible that they have developed these not entirely appropriate, but nonetheless useful, coping mechanisms to deal with hurtful behavior aimed at them. While it isn’t okay to ignore the bad behavior, as it is maladaptive and needs to be addressed. It is important to realize it stems from a hurt. When the root cause is addressed and compassion is applied, healing can begin.
- Sometimes its easier to blame the wronged spouse, that is acting defensive, rude, or otherwise unkindly, rather than looking at the entire picture.
- Unfortunately, maladaptive behaviors that stem from a desire to protect oneself from hurt, may only serve to reinforce the behaviors that started the hurt to begin with.
- Often, we are on our best behavior before and in the early stages of marriage, only showing our worst sides when we are very tired, or very angry.
“When a woman (or a man for that matter) is unfair, rude, or abusive to their spouse, they’re usually acting out of behaviour that they developed to protect themselves.”