The reason we obsess over people who ignore us is due to a concept called “extinction burst.” Basically, to begin giving up a habit we need to first burst through a deep desire to try everything to get a desired result. It’s a deeply psychological and instinctive desire that eventually goes away, and the habit is extinguished. Perhaps a more civil way to exterminate a behavior, such as texting an ex, is to recognize extinction burst is happening and giving it up right away.
- You know you’re prone to give in and communicate with your ex, the one you need to avoid, when your drunk, bored, or feeling lonely and horny.
- Odds are, you’ve even enlisted your friends to be vigilante allies, watching for signs of wavering on your part.
- Your obsessive communications are your way of working through the sudden removal of positive affirmation, the hallmark of your former communications.
“An extinction burst is defined as a temporary increase in the frequency, duration, or magnitude of the target response.”