40 million American people are on their second or more marriages. While this seems like a bright spot for people going through a divorce, statistics show overall lower success rates in multiple marriages. People with successful marriages after divorce have key factors in common. They tend to be on speaking terms with an ex spouse, have accepted their role in the divorce and have defined their expectations for marriage. They take things slow, but accept their new partner’s relationship history and financial status. Add in the ability to have healthy conflict and keep children involved, marriage after divide becomes successful.
- Human beings, like all living things, tend toward homeostasis, which is a fancy way of saying that our biological systems are programmed to maintain equilibrium, and to return to equilibrium if disturbed.
- Our brains are so consistent — or programmed for homeostasis — that they make sure the brainlock of irrelationship continues to drive whatever created yesterday’s “disappointments.”
- The mechanisms of irrelationship develop in early childhood to maintain homeostasis in a parent-child relationship in which the parent is affected by negative emotions that counteract his or her ability to make the child feels safe.
“In fact, social scientists tells us that seeking out and staying in stable systems is natural to our humanity.”